Thought to Ponder Over

Hmmmm?

What is the point of all I ramble on about?

Just this:

We cannot go around continually stuffing information into our brains that we rarely use.

Every now and then we need to weed out excess dates, phone numbers, and the like.

At our age when you get right down to it, there are only three things worth remembering:

If married, your wife/husband’s name

Where you live

What medication you are on

Drugs, give me drugs!

By the way, the only drugs I take are those prescribed by my physician – you know us old folk – we take medicine for various age-related health problems, i.e., heart, cholesterol, water retention, acid reflux, well – you get the idea. But I refuse to give up my morning cup of coffee!

Take care and stay safe.

Until next time!

A Day Late & A Dollar Short!

OOPS!!

Looks as though I missed posting again on Sunday – and if I were making excuses, which I am not, let me just say that “Life” happened although it seems as though our days are spent visiting doctors (just usual check-ups), getting groceries in or picking up prescriptions. Ah, the life of an octogenarian!

What can I say – we know we are getting old when:

Even if you’re sure your butt won’t fit, you should at least try to go down the playground slide one more time when you pass a playground.

I’ve learned that squirrels make good listeners, especially if you’ve got nuts in your pockets.

At our age, when making friends, we try to make funny friends because they’ll keep us giggling.

While we haven’t taken many trips since the pandemic began – we have learned from past experiences that we know it was a really fun adventure due to our forgetting to take pictures.

At our age, even though we try to stay health conscious, we constantly count our blessings, not our calories,

For you ladies out there reading my silliness, you know you’re having fun if there are sequins on your floor after you get dressed.

At our age, a full calendar is not a good measure for a full life.

Well, I see by the clock on the wall it is almost time to gather what we need to make a run to the doctor (again – just a follow-up routine visit), and then stop for some groceries while out running around. But before I go, allow me to end this week’s post with yet another sign we are getting old –

Time really does fly. One day you’re graduating high school, the next you have been reincarnated as a tree sloth.

Is that me I see staring?

Y’all have a nice day.

Until next time!

What Makes Us Laugh?

Okay, so I goofed last week and didn’t post on Sunday as I have been trying to do every Sunday. Getting back into my routine, what follows is a list of 20, yes, I said 20, short statements that may get you smiling today as you read this. I mean let’s face it, I am sure one of these 20 items will get you to laugh. The list covers both sexes and does not discriminate. Read each one carefully and how does that old saying go: “If the shoe fits, wear it!” Oh, and by the way, I have more but I decided to spread them out over the next few posts.

1. If you’re not laughing so hard you actually hurt at least once a day, you need to re-evaluate your life.
2. Pigtails are better than Botox.
3. You can only fake something for so long. Eventually the real you will shine through, so you might as well just be yourself all the time.
4. If you don’t love animals, you’re probably going to need a lot of therapy.
5. Sorry blondes – redheads have more fun!
6. Dance – even if others don’t recognize it as dancing.
7. Pay attention to red flags, black auras, and deep green eyes.
8. The family we create is often better for us than the family we’re born into.
9. Jimmy Buffet music is a good cure for sadness.
10. Your boobs will be closer to your waist than your chin for 60% of your life.
11.         Tip well and treat everyone like people not the job they do.
12. When you’re happy, notify your face.
13. There is no such thing as too much chocolate (as long as it’s vegan, fair trade, and sustainably harvested).
14. Don’t be afraid to let your talents shine.
15. We catch the mood of the people we spend the most time with, so choose carefully.
16. One of the most important things we should all learn is how to be happy alone.
17. The voices in your head are often out of their minds.
18. Not everyone will like you. In fact, there are some people you really don’t want to like you.
19. If you buy the low sodium version, you’ll just end up adding salt.
20. Picking up dog poop is much less disgusting than wading into political debate.

Okay, let’s change the pace here and let me share with you some of the words we learned since we migrated from snowbird country and what they mean. Yup, you got it, we warnt (weren’t) born here in Florida. As a matter of fact, some of the people we met shortly after arriving in Florida had a name for us. They called us “Dam Yankees”! When I asked what that meant – they said: “Well, northerners that come to Florida and just stay for a few weeks vacationing are just plain Yankees. But seein’ that we bought a house and sort of “put down roots” meaning that we warnt going back, well, they called those folks – “Dam Yankees.”

 For instance, we were visiting these friends one evening and I was somewhat confused when our guests got to talking about celery. Now we know celery is a vegetable we eat but this here friend was using the word to describe the wages they pay in Florida. To them, Celery (salary) represented the pay earned for doing a good job. (“She done so good in her new job; she got a huge celery increase.”). And when talking about their youngins’ they used words like GRAWN which to them meant mature – you know like (“Little Billie Bob’s all grawn up.”)

Why one time I really got lost in the conversation because what I thought I heard one of them say made me think of the beach and the beautiful sandy shores that adorn Florida’s coastline. The words that were being used were RAISE SAND. I thought they were discussing the beach when instead they were talking about a commotion one of their relatives made recently. (“He raised sand when Sarah Lou came in late from the school dance.”)

I could go on and on but let me end this portion of my post with but one more and that is the word WANG.  By now you got the picture of what I am trying to say, and I am sure you got this one. A WANG is really that part of the chicken that was made for eating, not flying.

What can I say folks, every morning I get up, sometime between the time my feet hit the floor and I make that first cup of coffee, I realize we all only have 1440 minutes in a day? What do I do? I try to find some wild and crazy idea in the back of my head that I can convert into a Blog post. Creating funny, cheerful, and yes, sometimes downright crazy stuff makes my day so much better. 

The only thing that might be better is a stack of pancakes with butter and syrup on. Hmmm, how soon is breakfast? Oh, drat, that’s right, I already had breakfast. What’s that, you want to know what I had for breakfast. Well, on Sunday mornings we have what I call Irwin’s Egg McMuffin. I toast a Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin, drizzle a bit of Sugar Free Syrup on the muffin as soon as it pops out of the toaster, let that soak into the muffin, then spread a bit of butter on it. Then I scramble an egg and pop that right smack in the middle of the two halves. Accompany that with a small orange juice along with two protein shakes (Atkins Café Au Lait Iced Coffee for me and a Premier Café Latte for my honey – the only caffeine we have in a day), tops the breakfast off. With that under our belts we are both ready to face whatever Sunday is going to throw at us. Guess the pancakes will have to wait until next week some time.

Stay safe, stay well, and be happy.

Until next time!

Western Slang!

OOPS!!! – Shame on me, I missed my Sunday deadline and thought I was doing so good. To use a bit of western slang when explaining myself to ya’all, let me just say that even though I promised I would post weekly – apparently all I did was to give you all ‘a lick and a promise’ (to do haphazardly) that I would be true to my word.

When it gets right down to it, I really didn’t mean to ‘beat the devil around the stump’ (to evade responsibility or a difficult task) as that little thing called life got in my way.  You know what I mean – our usual ordinary lives that include family, friendship, doctor appointments, and so forth. In addition, my muse abruptly left me. Each time I wanted to sit down and write, something else around the house that needed attention popped into my head. Who am I kidding – we all know that “Any excuse is better than no excuse” but truth be told, I have no real excuse.

Now I could pretend that I wasn’t to blame or be a ‘flannel mouth individual’ (an overly smooth or fancy talker) but that is not my style.

Nope, truth be told, we just had a busy week both last week and that business extended into this week and well, I dropped the ball (football jargon there).

So, when I received an email from one of my friends that follow my blog expressing his concern, I thought to myself I had better ‘pony up (hurry up) and get these fingers working on a post y’all might enjoy.

And seeing that I used Western Slang as the title to this week’s post before you all get to wondering – the answer is NO – I was not off somewhere ‘bending an elbow’ (having a drink) and thus was not on a ‘Bender” (drunk).

Fact of the matter is I was just ‘played out’ (exhausted). And rather than ‘shootin my mouth off (talk nonsense, or untruth) I thought I had better fess up and tell you the reason there was no post.

I could ‘kick up a row’ (create a disturbance) and be a mean ‘Rip’ (reprobate) or ‘skedaddle’ (run like *@#$%) but that is not my style.

I guess the above lingo is what rubbed off me during the four years we lived in Arizona back in the seventies.

Okay, so much for me and my feeble attempt to excuse myself for missing my weekly posting deadline. I dood it and I bad! Seeing that I usually attempt to write something funny for you to think about and chuckle about, allow me to end this post doing something a bit different. What follows is known as a Drabble. For your information, drabbles are short stories written with only 100 words – not 99 nor 101 – but 100. It is called:

Master, where are you?

He walked into the room, eyes searching, looking around, both high and low as though searching for clues to some dark secret mystery. It was here just yesterday – where could it have gone? Who could have possibly moved it and why? Everyone has a muse or something that provides inspiration. How else do we find purpose in setting at the desk, pen in hand, or fingers poised above the keyboard ready to share the knowledge accumulated. What was it he used to say to me:

“Always pass on what you have learned!”

Master, where are you?

Okay folks, I hope that explains my absence. By finishing and posting this post today I see I have three days to find my muse and create a post for the 17^th of this month. Hope you enjoyed this week’s or should I say last week’s post. To end this with yet another piece of Western Slang, let me just say that what you have just read is ‘The whole kit and caboodle’ (the entire thing).

Stay safe, stay well, and most of all, be happy!

Until next time!

Dream Catchers

If memory serves me well, it was shortly after we moved to Arizona back in the 70’s that we were introduced to what were known as “dream catchers.”

Dream catchers are nothing more than a handwoven willow hoop, on which is woven a net or web. It may also be decorated with sacred items such as certain feathers or beads. Traditionally, dreamcatchers are hung over a cradle or bed as protection.

Like Ojibwe (some Native American and First Nations cultures), the Lakota legends about dreamcatchers begin with a spiritual being associated with spiders. Iktomi, (a spider-trickster spirit, and a culture hero for the Lakota people) created the dreamcatcher to catch good ideas on the web, so they won’t be lost, but let bad ideas filter through the central hole and simply pass by their people unharmed.

Other examples are the “spiderwebs” hung on the hoop of a cradle board. In old times this netting was made of nettle fiber. Two spider webs were usually hung on the hoop, and it was said that they “caught any harm that might be in the air as a spider’s web catches and holds whatever comes in contact with it.”

The reason for this post is not to dispute whether a dream catcher does the job but whether the person over whose head the dream catcher resides believes in it. Over the years, some people have utilized dream catchers solely for those individuals suffering from bad dreams.

Do they work? Some probably say they do while others might say it is a waste of time. Here’s the thing – in my humble opinion, it’s what you believe in. Do I believe in them? Hmmm, how should I answer this question? Let me just say that while I am not from Missouri (known as the ‘show me’ state), I’d have to not only be shown, but somehow be convinced such lore works. As to how such proof would be provided when it comes to dreams, well, I would have to take the person at their word should they say that after hanging a dream catcher above their headboard, their nightmares disappeared. But, in these trying times with what all is happening around the world today – another of my philosophies is just this:

Whatever works!

Before I go, you know I cannot end this post without writing something to make everyone  laugh, and reminding myself that I am now an octogenarian, let me leave you with but another thought – “Look on the bright side of having shaky hands as we get older – now when we are at the grocery store and pushing the shopping cart – the wheels stop wobbling!”

Until next time!