Okay, so I goofed last week and didn’t post on Sunday as I have been trying to do every Sunday. Getting back into my routine, what follows is a list of 20, yes, I said 20, short statements that may get you smiling today as you read this. I mean let’s face it, I am sure one of these 20 items will get you to laugh. The list covers both sexes and does not discriminate. Read each one carefully and how does that old saying go: “If the shoe fits, wear it!” Oh, and by the way, I have more but I decided to spread them out over the next few posts.
- If you’re not laughing so hard you actually hurt at least once a day, you need to re-evaluate your life.
- Pigtails are better than Botox.
- You can only fake something for so long. Eventually the real you will shine through, so you might as well just be yourself all the time.
- If you don’t love animals, you’re probably going to need a lot of therapy.
- Sorry blondes – redheads have more fun!
- Dance – even if others don’t recognize it as dancing.
- Pay attention to red flags, black auras, and deep green eyes.
- The family we create is often better for us than the family we’re born into.
- Jimmy Buffet music is a good cure for sadness.
- Your boobs will be closer to your waist than your chin for 60% of your life.
- Tip well and treat everyone like people not the job they do.
- When you’re happy, notify your face.
- There is no such thing as too much chocolate (as long as it’s vegan, fair trade, and sustainably harvested).
- Don’t be afraid to let your talents shine.
- We catch the mood of the people we spend the most time with, so choose carefully.
- One of the most important things we should all learn is how to be happy alone.
- The voices in your head are often out of their minds.
- Not everyone will like you. In fact, there are some people you really don’t want to like you.
- If you buy the low sodium version, you’ll just end up adding salt.
- Picking up dog poop is much less disgusting than wading into political debate.
Okay, let’s change the pace here and let me share with you some of the words we learned since we migrated from snowbird country and what they mean. Yup, you got it, we warnt (weren’t) born here in Florida. As a matter of fact, some of the people we met shortly after arriving in Florida had a name for us. They called us “Dam Yankees”! When I asked what that meant – they said: “Well, northerners that come to Florida and just stay for a few weeks vacationing are just plain Yankees. But seein’ that we bought a house and sort of “put down roots” meaning that we warnt going back, well, they called those folks – “Dam Yankees.”
For instance, we were visiting these friends one evening and I was somewhat confused when our guests got to talking about celery. Now we know celery is a vegetable we eat but this here friend was using the word to describe the wages they pay in Florida. To them, Celery (salary) represented the pay earned for doing a good job. (“She done so good in her new job; she got a huge celery increase.”). And when talking about their youngins’ they used words like GRAWN which to them meant mature – you know like (“Little Billie Bob’s all grawn up.”)
Why one time I really got lost in the conversation because what I thought I heard one of them say made me think of the beach and the beautiful sandy shores that adorn Florida’s coastline. The words that were being used were RAISE SAND. I thought they were discussing the beach when instead they were talking about a commotion one of their relatives made recently. (“He raised sand when Sarah Lou came in late from the school dance.”)
I could go on and on but let me end this portion of my post with but one more and that is the word WANG. By now you got the picture of what I am trying to say, and I am sure you got this one. A WANG is really that part of the chicken that was made for eating, not flying.
What can I say folks, every morning I get up, sometime between the time my feet hit the floor and I make that first cup of coffee, I realize we all only have 1440 minutes in a day? What do I do? I try to find some wild and crazy idea in the back of my head that I can convert into a Blog post. Creating funny, cheerful, and yes, sometimes downright crazy stuff makes my day so much better.
The only thing that might be better is a stack of pancakes with butter and syrup on. Hmmm, how soon is breakfast? Oh, drat, that’s right, I already had breakfast. What’s that, you want to know what I had for breakfast. Well, on Sunday mornings we have what I call Irwin’s Egg McMuffin. I toast a Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin, drizzle a bit of Sugar Free Syrup on the muffin as soon as it pops out of the toaster, let that soak into the muffin, then spread a bit of butter on it. Then I scramble an egg and pop that right smack in the middle of the two halves. Accompany that with a small orange juice along with two protein shakes (Atkins Café Au Lait Iced Coffee for me and a Premier Café Latte for my honey – the only caffeine we have in a day), tops the breakfast off. With that under our belts we are both ready to face whatever Sunday is going to throw at us. Guess the pancakes will have to wait until next week some time.
Stay safe, stay well, and be happy.
Until next time!