May The Force Be With You!

Seeing that I will, in less than two years, become an octogenarian, on occasion my mindset runs rampant thinking about items to write about that relate to others in my position. But being the unique and weird person that I am, my writings tend to take a weird twist – hopefully in a comical way. When I think of men my age, I think of them as old geezers which as you guessed it – I too, consider myself to be an old geezer!

It is said that the definition of a geezer, when used today is used affectionately to mean “an elderly fellow.” Other definitions out there refer to an old geezer as: “an odd, eccentric, or unreasonable person (usually a man); especially: an old man. Oh, one other thing before I move on – geezers are also supposedly between the age of 60 to 75. Does that make me ancient? But I digress!

Naturally when one thinks about the word old – the question comes to mind – “Well, how old is he?” 

To set the stage for what is about to follow – I have to talk a bit about physics. I say “bit” because that is about the amount of physics I remember from my school years, a “bit.”

I have read and it has been said that the closer one gets to the speed of light the slower time goes – until presumably time would hit a dead end.  With this thought in mind, one might think that the older us (or is it we) geezers get, the closer our driving speed gets to a dead stop. Stay with me now as it will get better the more I write or at least I hope it will.

Need a picture to help make this more clearer – OK – Picture us taking the oldest geezer in the world (and no, that would not be me) and place that individual behind the steering wheel of a car (and not one of those new fang-dangled ones that self-drive themselves). Chances are that this old geezer could burn through an entire tank of gasoline without going anyplace.

Are you with me so far? It gets better, I haven’t even added glaucoma and/or macular degeneration into the mix yet. When either of these two ailments are added, well, the combination adds not being able to see what’s coming ahead of us. Looking at how our bodies tend to do their own thing as we age, add the fact that a lot of old geezers are also hard of hearing and that adds yet another sense required or necessary to be able to drive.

Oops, speaking about our bodies, I forgot several other things our bodies tend to do as we age. Our muscles, nervous system, lack of flexibility, and slower reaction time also enters the picture. Stay with me as I am getting closer to the point of this article.

What does all this mean? Just this. The next time you are on an expressway and behind an old geezer, keep in mind the fact that while even though he may be doing 30 miles per hour, to him – 30 mph is fast! Why?

Because he can’t see, hear, or act fast enough to get out of the way! So forget the definitions you read above as to what is meant by an old geezer.

An old geezer is this slow-moving, high-pants wearing, hard candy sucking – Yoda of yesteryear. It is at that point in time that you must heed the words of Yoda: “Patience you must have my young Padawan.”

May the Force Be With You

Better yet, get off at the next Exit and have yourself an Expresso before heading to your destination.

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LISTS, LISTS, LISTS!

I have always been a big fan of lists. To-do lists, Honey-do lists, check lists, laundry lists, packing lists, grocery lists, travel lists, and so forth. It is as though there is a list for everything.

Many of us write and use them. Some go to the extreme while others just write lists that will get them through the day.

With that thought in mind I decided today I would do something different. Today I am going to write my list but instead of it being one of the afore-mentioned lists – it will be a list of things I am NOT going to do today.

I am NOT going to start my own fan club on Facebook.

I am NOT going to go sky diving without a parachute.

I am NOT going to dance in public as though I am hearing music.

I am NOT going to ask directions to the place I am already at.

I am NOT going to recognize someone I truly do not even know.

I am NOT going to sing in public.

I am NOT  going to pay my grocery bill in pennies.

I am NOT going to ask a complete stranger for directions to a certain place and then walk away in the opposite direction.

 I am NOT going to sit at the airport reading my book upside down.

I am NOT going to show up at our next Homeowners meeting wearing a wide-brimmed sombrero and when asked: “Why?” look them in the eye and say, “What do you mean?”

I am NOT going to our local supermarket – grab a handful of bananas and go to the checkout counter and ask the clerk: “Can I get a better price on these bananas?”

I am NOT going to go to McDonald’s and ask for a WHOPPER!

Whew, re-reading the above list was quite exhausting. Good news though, is that every item on this list is something that –

I AM NOT GOING TO DO!

Until next time!

Coffee Has Never Been Discovered

Hard to do without!

The world today is so mixed up that to get my mind off of all that is going on – I decided to let myself go and just soar into whatever imaginative space I can and in doing so piece together a quirky world of my own through words. What better way to do that than to be spontaneous and go with whatever thought pops into my head! Seeing that yesterday I had way more caffeine than I should have – the first thought that popped into my head was seeing or thinking that “coffee was never discovered!”  

Can you picture such a scenario…..How do you start your day? I mean – how do we function? Our day usually starts by going to the bathroom to do our duty – it’s  @#$%^ getting old, isn’t it? Next is stepping on the bathroom scale where, either you do a happy dance, or you criticize yourself for having that Apple Fritter this past Saturday. Oh well, what’s done is done. Time to move on.

The kitchen awaits you as does your newspaper. The moment of truth has arrived but remember at this point we still are not aware of the fact that coffee has never been discovered. So, you go to your pantry to get out the coffee and all you see is a box of black tea bags – Earl Grey as a matter of fact. You think to yourself – where is my coffee? What has it been now – twelve hours since you had a cup of coffee, or so you thought!

With that thought still looming in your brain, your eyes stray to the newspaper laying open on the table and the headlines staring you right in the face: Notice – “Coffee has never been discovered!” You only thought that you were drinking coffee. Am I reading it right? What happened? Is this a joke? What am I to do now? Did someone turn back the clocks? Is it April Fool’s Day?

Interesting thought – isn’t it? How would you handle it?