Well, here I am again, ready to share some wit and possibly wisdom with you. Who am I kidding? It will probably be mostly humor as my wisdom left me a long time ago.
In wracking my brain as to what wonderful funny stuff I wanted to share with y’all this week, I got to thinking about the wild and wacky wallpaper (well, in reality it was what they call scene setter covering), that covered my office wall in the last house we lived in. As a matter of information, once the user (me in this case) is over his or her desire to see something other than white walls, blue walls, or whatever adorned the walls of the place you are living at, you just tear this stuff off the wall (held up by thumbtacks) and “Walla” – life is back to normal again – by the way – remind me again what normal is? But I digress!
Let me explain. The last house we owned, we decided early on to “theme” the rooms and my office became a scene out of an old western cowboy movie complete with six-guns on the wall, wallpaper (scene setter covering) that looked like shelves holding bottles of booze with some really wild and crazy names, and even a saloon door complete with bullet holes appearing in it. I would go into my office to write and would lose myself in the labels of the many booze bottles adorning the shelves.
It is amazing how one’s mind wanders over such silly things. One of the things that crossed my mind while sitting there looking at the weird bottle labels – and I mean they were some crazy names, was – “Hmmm – how drunk would one have to be to drink the contents of any of these bottles had their label titles been “for real?”
Do I have your interest peaked now as to just what were the names of these concoctions? Read on. You be the judge. There was Old Fashioned Rot Gut and for all those red-blooded American Indians out there that helped make western movies seem so real – “Fire Water!”
And there was one bottled labeled “Curly Wolf!” Anyone care to venture a guess as to what liquid concoction lie in that bottle? There was also one that was not for the faint-hearted – yup- you guessed it – good old “Gunpowder Cocktail!” Lest we not forget the fairer sex, there was also “Shotgun Nancy’s Whiskey.” sounds to me like it was a drink Annie Oakley might have been fond of.
By now, I am sure I know what many of you are thinking – based on some of Irwin’s earlier rants and raves – you know the times I am talking about – during the time that I had to stare at this scene setter type wall covering – he probably finished off one or two of them thar bottles just prior to sitting down to write. But hey, ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies! Some might just say that I did go off the deep end for a short time while this wallpaper (easier to say than scene setter whatchamacallit) was adorning my walls. How so? Read on and join me as I ventured into a little story of my own pertaining to the wild and crazy ideas such scene setter wallpaper instilled into this little brain of mine.
While staying with the western pace the wallpaper put me in, I got to thinking – Gee, what type of post can I write using some of the writings that also adorned my office walls? Banking came to mind because of a sign hanging in my office. So I pretended to be back in the old west and thought – why should I choose one of those “high-falootin” banks? Banks like Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Chase and the like. No, not for this old cowpoke. Instead, this old cowpoke decided to bank at the bank Wyatt Earp and his brothers probably used – none other than the good old “Boot Hill Bank.” While we are on the subject of banking – I am sure most of you will recall, bankers in those days were not the type to give our loans easily. As a matter-of-fact, most bankers were known as flannel-mouthed bankers meaning one who is overly smooth or a fancy talker.
Well, when I walked into that bank, all I wanted to do was withdraw some funds to pick up s more whiskey and grub/vittles. Didn’t have time to dicker with the banker because I knew I’d have to dicker with the gent at Trader Jake’s General Store for them thar grub/vittles and whiskey I’d need to make it thru until my next pay day.
Speaking of paydays – one such varmit I had hoped to steer clear of was my landlord. Not only did I need vittles and whiskey – it was time to pay my rent and that landlord was a mean old rip (reprobate). I had hoped to avoid paying my rent for another week even though I knew by doing so – all I was doing was beating the devil around the stump (evading responsibility or a difficult task).
Besides that thar fella (landlord) is so mean – were I not to pay my rent on time, he’d be affixin to shoot me with that double-barreled shotgun of his and next time I’d be writing posts would be – what am I saying – I wouldn’t be writing anything – I’d be six feet under in the Boot Hill Cemetery. And jest between me and you – I ain’t affixin’ to go jest yet!
Well folks, that’s the “whole kit and caboodle” of what happens to wannabe writers when they sit and look at such crazy wallpaper or whatever it was called for too long. Before you know it, you are in a world all by yourself. But, being truthful, it is a lot of fun, and believe me, we all need to have fun today. As I said many times before, I never know what I will come up with when I finally set myself down here at this computer. Hope you enjoyed my little foray into the olden days of the wild and wooly west. Who knows, I may have created a monster cuz now I have to dream up what I will rant and rave about or should I say ponder about next time. Guess I will have to sit here awhile and look around the room and see what turns me on – other than my wife of 57 plus years that is.
Until next week, stay safe and stay well!