Life, one can only envision how it will be We are born, develop, grow, mature, age, and die Along the way we love, marry, raise children, and make friends In the short run while this may be true, nothing lasts forever
Some look upon life as a journey Others see life as a constant challenge A few have no idea what life is about Everyone looks upon life in different ways
Is the glass half empty or half full? Are we the optimist or the pessimist? Do we wake up smiling and go to bed happy? Or are we always grouchy, sad, or depressed?
Hurdles must be confronted head on There is no hiding one’s head in the sand They will not go away by themselves The sooner this is understood, the better
Disasters take many forms Financial, health, and tragedies come to mind Families and friends show their true colors Which shows that life is worth living?
It is how we take the journey Rise up to the challenges Seek the meaning of life That serves to identify who we are
When I woke during the night thinking about what I wanted my next post to be about two words popped into my head.
What are twilight years? Well, some would say, twilight years, oh, that’s just another reference to old age. And what is old age, well, old age is when we feel it is time to write our memoirs.
Let’s take this old age situation a bit further and look at what other people think about old age. If you happen to be Greek, they believe your twilight years don’t begin until age 68. Bounce up to France and they are of the opinion that one starts to feel grey at age 63. I also read somewhere that most Brits (the English) are of the opinion that they’ve hit old age before they even turned age 60. So, in some circles, one might suggest that age 59 is the year we should consider ourselves officially “old”.
Having reached the ripe old age of 81, I prefer to go with that old saying Mark Twain wrote – you know the one I am talking about: Age is an issue of mind over matter. “If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
At my age, some days I wake up just raring to get into whatever the day will give me and then there are days when I wake up and just want to roll over and say, nope, not today. I need 30 more minutes, and Oh, could someone get me a cup of coffee before my feet even touch the floor.
I have concluded that I don’t worry that much about getting older or what “twilight years” means. Nope, I just get up, head to the bathroom, look in the mirror and say to the person looking back at me (by the way, forgive the vernacular as it wouldn’t get the feedback, I so desperately need were I to phrase it differently):
“Screw it, this is as good as it is going to get!”
Hmmm, what should I write about today? Should I be informative, funny, philosophical, or perhaps a combination of all three.
Well, I decided to go with a hodge-podge of material, you know, data that you are all just dying to know. Here is a question for you: What is the largest creature that has ever lived? What’s that – you say dinosaurs of pre-historic times! Nay, it is the blue whale. But here is the thing, even though it can be up to 105 feet in length (three times the size of the biggest dinosaur and equivalent in weight to 2,700 people), the blue whale can consume as many as 40 million krill per day but can only swallow a limited amount due to their small narrow throat.
Have I aroused your curiosity about the blue whale? Okay, allow me to share a few more facts with you about this creature. Did you know that its tongue weighs more than an elephant or that its heart is the size of a family car? More useless information is that its stomach can hold more than a ton of food. You would think that with statistics like that, its throat would be large. Remember I said above that the blue whale has a small narrow throat – well – a blue whale’s throat is almost the same diameter as its belly button. I know – who knew? And I am sure you are just dying to know now what the diameter of its belly button is – well, believe it or not, it is about the size of a salad plate.
Aren’t you glad I shared that information with you? What’s that you say – your day is not complete yet and you need to hear more. Okay, since we are in the ocean already, this one will be about sea creatures as well.
With all the water in the ocean – one probably never even thinks about what some sea creatures drink. Take the dolphin for instance. Fact is they do not drink at all. Like animals in the desert who do not have any access to fresh water; dolphins get liquid from their food – which living in the ocean – is mainly fish and squid. They also can burn their body fat which in turn releases water. Don’t you just wish we had the ability to burn our body fat just as easy as a dolphin does?
Let’s switch from fish to birds – did you know that an ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain, or that only male turkeys (Toms) gobble – females make a clicking noise. Here is one for you – flamingos are pink – not because they eat shrimps (which they do) but because they eat a lot of blue-green algae. Fact of the matter is that blue-green algae can be red, violet, brown, yellow, or even orange. Who knew?
Let’s leave animals and fish for a moment and switch to a completely different topic. Exercise? Did you know that we would have to walk 80 miles for your legs to equal the amount of exercise your eyes get daily? Oh, and another not too well-known fact about eyes is that the focusing muscles of the eye move around 100,000 times a day. No wonder we get sleepy early.
Time for a funny quote and one that is right up my alley.
“I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake.”
On to a joke or two. Oh, I got to add this one for any Bingo lovers following my dribble.
“How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say a swear word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell – BINGO!”
More useless information – Did you know that in Japan, watermelons are squared. It’s easier to stack them that way.
And for us coffee lovers – Did you know that coffee is the US’s largest food import and second most valuable commodity only after oil.
OK, time to move on to a joke about Semantics:
A boy asks his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random.
When the phone is answered he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”
“There’s no one named Alf here.” The person hangs up.
“That’s irritation,” says dad.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Alf a second time.
“No – there’s no one here named Alf. You have the wrong number. If you call again, I shall telephone the police. “End of conversation.
“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials a third time: “Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?”
Well, as much as I hate to see this come to an end, I will have to leave you with my philosophical quote for today:
I Don’t Suffer from Insanity; I Enjoy Every Minute of It.
OOPS!!! – Shame on me, I missed my Sunday deadline and thought I was doing so good. To use a bit of western slang when explaining myself to ya’all, let me just say that even though I promised I would post weekly – apparently all I did was to give you all ‘a lick and a promise’ (to do haphazardly) that I would be true to my word.
When it gets right down to it, I really didn’t mean to ‘beat the devil around the stump’ (to evade responsibility or a difficult task) as that little thing called life got in my way. You know what I mean – our usual ordinary lives that include family, friendship, doctor appointments, and so forth. In addition, my muse abruptly left me. Each time I wanted to sit down and write, something else around the house that needed attention popped into my head. Who am I kidding – we all know that “Any excuse is better than no excuse” but truth be told, I have no real excuse.
Now I could pretend that I wasn’t to blame or be a ‘flannel mouth individual’ (an overly smooth or fancy talker) but that is not my style.
Nope, truth be told, we just had a busy week both last week and that business extended into this week and well, I dropped the ball (football jargon there).
So, when I received an email from one of my friends that follow my blog expressing his concern, I thought to myself I had better ‘pony up (hurry up) and get these fingers working on a post y’all might enjoy.
And seeing that I used Western Slang as the title to this week’s post before you all get to wondering – the answer is NO – I was not off somewhere ‘bending an elbow’ (having a drink) and thus was not on a ‘Bender” (drunk).
Fact of the matter is I was just ‘played out’ (exhausted). And rather than ‘shootin my mouth off (talk nonsense, or untruth) I thought I had better fess up and tell you the reason there was no post.
I could ‘kick up a row’ (create a disturbance) and be a mean ‘Rip’ (reprobate) or ‘skedaddle’ (run like *@#$%) but that is not my style.
I guess the above lingo is what rubbed off me during the four years we lived in Arizona back in the seventies.
Okay, so much for me and my feeble attempt to excuse myself for missing my weekly posting deadline. I dood it and I bad! Seeing that I usually attempt to write something funny for you to think about and chuckle about, allow me to end this post doing something a bit different. What follows is known as a Drabble. For your information, drabbles are short stories written with only 100 words – not 99 nor 101 – but 100. It is called:
Master, where are you?
He walked into the room, eyes searching, looking around, both high and low as though searching for clues to some dark secret mystery. It was here just yesterday – where could it have gone? Who could have possibly moved it and why? Everyone has a muse or something that provides inspiration. How else do we find purpose in setting at the desk, pen in hand, or fingers poised above the keyboard ready to share the knowledge accumulated. What was it he used to say to me:
“Always pass on what you have learned!”
Master, where are you?
Okay folks, I hope that explains my absence. By finishing and posting this post today I see I have three days to find my muse and create a post for the 17th of this month. Hope you enjoyed this week’s or should I say last week’s post. To end this with yet another piece of Western Slang, let me just say that what you have just read is ‘The whole kit and caboodle’ (the entire thing).
The older I get, the faster it seems that our days go by. We are accustomed to getting out of bed at 6 am each morning to go about our daily routines. Such routines consist of making the bed, stretching, preparing breakfast, cleaning up the kitchen and then making a list of what we hope to accomplish before day’s end. In many instances, I get at least 50 percent of them if not more completed. But then there are days, that I only check off three or four items by day’s end.
Part of the reason for this is that I tend to allow my mind to wander towards other things – things like creating a post for this blog site, researching material for either a future post or the possibility of yet another book. I now have three eBooks to my credit – and lately I have been thinking about a fourth. Whether or not I will write it has yet to be determined.
Where does my mind go when it strays away from the tasks at hand? Well, I am constantly thinking of wild and crazy things to post on Lakeland Musings by Irwin. Seeing that I post weekly, and my posting date is usually Sundays, I should devote a specific amount of time each day from Monday through Friday, allowing Saturday as the day to correlate/edit the material so that I can post the final edited version first thing on Sunday morning. But alas, even though we are retired, our days tend to be filled with many odds and end type jobs and before we know it, we are staring at each other saying: “Where did the time go? Is it really time for dinner or is it really time to go to bed?” Who said retirees lead boring lives!
Yesterday a few things popped into my head that has me puzzled and knowing me, that puzzlement led me to think that – “Hey, this would be good stuff for my blog site”. So, allow me to share some of my wild and crazy thoughts that will make up the majority of this week’s blog posting.
At times I let my mind wander off and it takes me to strange places. For instance, just sitting and staring at the lake yesterday, I got to thinking – “if you absent-mindedly swallowed some food coloring, do you feel like you dyed a little inside?” Or, thinking about names of individuals and what funny things I could write about them, I got to thinking – If David would lose his ID, would he just be Dav?
And then my mind wandered to the subject of a chapter in my recent book which was a pencil. By now you are thinking what wild and crazy thing one could possibly write about a pencil – well, here’s the thing – “writing with a dull pencil is pointless.” I know, I need to get better material.
Another of my tasks around the house is to see that when one can of soda or protein shake is removed from the refrigerator, a warm one takes it place so that we always have cold soda and/or protein shake available to us. Well, to show that there is always something around the house that could prove to be fodder for my posts, as I was making the switch between warm and cold sodas yesterday, the following thought rushed through my head. The drink I was switching out was A&W Root Beer. As I was placing a warm can of A&W Root Beer into the spot that held the ice cold can I was having with my lunch, I got to thinking – “If you put root beer in a square glass – is it just beer then?” See what I mean, I cannot help myself and it seems to happen just before it is time to post.
Oh, let me back up here a minute. How far you ask? Well, all the way to when I stepped out of the shower and started to towel off. As I stepped out of the shower, yet another wild and crazy thought crossed my mind. It dawned on me that I had just discovered what the leading cause of dry skin was. Towels!
Seeing that today is Sunday, here is yet another wild and crazy thought: “The goal of Sunday is to leave my home as little as possible.” While I could probably come up with a few more wild and crazy words of wisdom, I must leave some things for next week’s blog otherwise I won’t have anything to write about.
Having said that, I have but one more wild and crazy thought and that is:
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing.
Stay safe, stay well, and most of all – stay happy!