I’m So Confused!

Confused!

What is a survey?

“In research of human subjects, a survey is a list of questions aimed for extracting specific data from a particular group of people”.

What is it with our Health Care system today? Do they not keep records? For instance, why is it when you must go and have a procedure done – take a colonoscopy or endoscopy for instance – they ask you the same questions they asked you the last time you had it done a short three years ago. Do they not keep the paperwork they consistently have you fill out? Remember the last time you had it done? You had to arrive 30 minutes prior to the time scheduled for the procedure to fill out paperwork.

At times I just wonder if there isn’t a very large room somewhere within the facility that is wall-papered with all our essential health information. You know that myriad of forms we fill out each time we have such a procedure done.

Oh, and what’s with all the Health Surveys we are asked to complete? I mean, let’s face it, lately it seems we see our doctor more than we see our family members. Yet, we are constantly bombarded with Health Surveys and always asking the same questions. For instance, what is your preferred language? Well, let’s see, I was born here in the USA, learned English from my parents and the schools I attended but coming from Pennsylvania and the Amish area of the state, I decided I wanted to learn Pig Latin and that is my preferred language.

Oh, here is another good one and remember now – I mentioned earlier some of us see our doctor more than we do our close family – “What health conditions do you currently have or are managing?” And then they proceed to list the various health conditions – conditions such as diabetes, asthma, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol?”  The funny part of this question is that they also add a block to check that says “None/prefer not to answer”. Hmmm, I wonder if anyone ever actually checked that box? One would think that by seeing our physician once a month, they have that information, and it would be quite accurate and not out of date.  

Here’s one question on the survey that really tickles me – On a scale of 0 – 10, what is your current day-to-day pain level? Don’t they already know? What if your spouse ticked you off so much you have a headache? Does that constitute pain? You would think by looking at one’s chart they might get an idea based on the prescriptions they prescribed for us. But to mess with them, I guess we could answer well, let’s see I do take Tylenol, sometimes Aleve, or and then there are the days I take Advil. Don’t you just want to stop there and insert a response like: Why do you ask? Do you have something better than either of the three I mentioned?

And what’s with the questions such as “In the past month, did you need help with any of the following?” and then they go on to list things like getting around your home (walking) or feeding yourself or dressing yourself, etc. Seeing that we show up once a month for our doctor’s visit, are fully dressed, and walk into the facility/the exam room on our own steam, they would know we are walking. And about the dressing part, well, I don’t think they would want an 81-year-old male walking in their office half-naked.

I could go on and on, but I won’t cause I have to take a break and fill out my survey which just came, and it may take a while to answer all 28 questions. If I am lucky, I may complete the form before going to my next doctor’s appointment which happens to be coming up, oh wait, it is not until Tuesday December 15th.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about this whole thing of Health Surveys is just this, along with the survey came a letter that ends by reminding us to consider the following recommendations which may help you maintain or improve your future health:

Visit your Primary Care Physician (PCP) on a regular basis

Follow the recommended preventive health screenings, as per your PCP’s direction

Follow your doctor’s treatment plans and take all the medications that he/she prescribes

Follow a regular activity/exercise, as recommended by your doctor

Maintain proper nutrition and diet. If you are overweight, work with your doctor for a weight reduction program

If you smoke, quit!

I mean, isn’t that what we are going to see the doctor about monthly and do they not tell us this during each visit.

What am I missing here? I think of all the trees that must be cut down, ink used to print these letters, postage required to mail same (not to mention all the labor involved in each of these activities) and wonder to myself – couldn’t those funds be used for something more beneficial?

Bottom line is that there must be a reason why they call it a Doctor’s Practice. Cause they sure keep sending out these surveys asking the same old questions over and over and over. One would hope that someday they get it right and stop practicing.

Okay, I am done ranting and raving for the moment. Gotta get my mind wired into something more comical. It may take a while. Hang in there, I’ll be back!

Okay, I’m back with a few one or two-liners that may get you smiling.

Did you ever stop and think that “the hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread?”

“A bicycle can’t stand alone: it is two tired.”

This one is from way back during my studying years:

Brain

“The human brain is the most outstanding object in the world.

It functions 24 hours a day.

365 days a year.

It functions right from the time we are born,

And stop only when we enter the examination hall.”

Okay, that’s all for this week.

Here is hoping everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.

Until next time!

Silliness

Where did this week go – no…not this week, I meant last week. Here it is Monday evening already. One seventh of this week is almost gone as I sit here pounding on the keys of my computer. It seems that every time I think I am going to keep up with my posting weekly, boom, something happens to interfere and well, apparently life is more important to me than sitting here at my computer.

Sitting here is so relaxing and nourishing to my soul when I create “stuff.” I know, most of it is crazy stuff but it is my crazy stuff and stuff I want to share. So let me share some signs of the times with you:

Oh, this one will start your day – sign seen on a septic tank: “Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels” Eewww!

Or here’s one seen on a plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

And for you science-fiction fans: Sign seen in a science-fiction bookstore: “Shoplifters will be disintegrated.”

Okay, that’s enough signs to share with you. Now let me share some New Laws with you:

Have you heard of the law of preemptive knowledge: It’s better to know it and not need it than it is to need it and not know it?

Or one we could have used when we were working called the law of unsuccessful employees: One cannot do what he is told, and the other cannot do anything unless he is told.

Finally, the law of statistics: The rate of unemployment is 100 percent if you’re the one who is unemployed.

For those of us that are aging and enjoying our retirement, here are a few more thoughts for you to ponder over – in case you haven’t noticed, I ponder a lot.

Squirrels make good listeners, especially if you’ve got nuts in your pockets.

If dogs don’t like you, you have some karma issues to work on.

Ladies, never trim your bangs drunk.

Throw the ball, tug the rope, and dangle the fuzzy toy.

When the moon is amazing, you should go outside and look at it.

Even if no one reads it, when you’ve written something that expresses your soul, you have done something amazing.

Okay – enough of my silliness. Seeing that the sun is starting to set in the west, have a great evening and whatever you do, do your best to keep smiling. After all, if we are still on the right side of the grass, we must have some more living to do!

Until next time!

A Little Bit of Everything

It takes all kinds!

Hmmm, what should I write about today? Should I be informative, funny, philosophical, or perhaps a combination of all three.

Well, I decided to go with a hodge-podge of material, you know, data that you are all just dying to know. Here is a question for you: What is the largest creature that has ever lived? What’s that – you say dinosaurs of pre-historic times! Nay, it is the blue whale. But here is the thing, even though it can be up to 105 feet in length (three times the size of the biggest dinosaur and equivalent in weight to 2,700 people), the blue whale can consume as many as 40 million krill per day but can only swallow a limited amount due to their small narrow throat.

Have I aroused your curiosity about the blue whale? Okay, allow me to share a few more facts with you about this creature. Did you know that its tongue weighs more than an elephant or that its heart is the size of a family car? More useless information is that its stomach can hold more than a ton of food. You would think that with statistics like that, its throat would be large. Remember I said above that the blue whale has a small narrow throat – well – a blue whale’s throat is almost the same diameter as its belly button. I know – who knew? And I am sure you are just dying to know now what the diameter of its belly button is – well, believe it or not, it is about the size of a salad plate.

Aren’t you glad I shared that information with you? What’s that you say – your day is not complete yet and you need to hear more. Okay, since we are in the ocean already, this one will be about sea creatures as well.

With all the water in the ocean – one probably never even thinks about what some sea creatures drink. Take the dolphin for instance. Fact is they do not drink at all. Like animals in the desert who do not have any access to fresh water; dolphins get liquid from their food – which living in the ocean – is mainly fish and squid. They also can burn their body fat which in turn releases water. Don’t you just wish we had the ability to burn our body fat just as easy as a dolphin does?

Let’s switch from fish to birds – did you know that an ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain, or that only male turkeys (Toms) gobble – females make a clicking noise. Here is one for you – flamingos are pink – not because they eat shrimps (which they do) but because they eat a lot of blue-green algae. Fact of the matter is that blue-green algae can be red, violet, brown, yellow, or even orange. Who knew?

Let’s leave animals and fish for a moment and switch to a completely different topic. Exercise? Did you know that we would have to walk 80 miles for your legs to equal the amount of exercise your eyes get daily? Oh, and another not too well-known fact about eyes is that the focusing muscles of the eye move around 100,000 times a day. No wonder we get sleepy early.

Time for a funny quote and one that is right up my alley.

“I’m not asleep… but that doesn’t mean I’m awake.”

On to a joke or two. Oh, I got to add this one for any Bingo lovers following my dribble.

“How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say a swear word?  Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell – BINGO!”

More useless information – Did you know that in Japan, watermelons are squared. It’s easier to stack them that way.

And for us coffee lovers – Did you know that coffee is the US’s largest food import and second most valuable commodity only after oil.

OK, time to move on to a joke about Semantics:

A boy asks his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

Dad picks up the phone and dials a number at random.

When the phone is answered he asks, “Can I speak to Alf, please?”

“There’s no one named Alf here.” The person hangs up.

“That’s irritation,” says dad.

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number and asks for Alf a second time.

“No – there’s no one here named Alf. You have the wrong number. If you call again, I shall telephone the police. “End of conversation.

“That’s aggravation.”

“Then what’s frustration?” asks his son.

The father picks up the phone and dials a third time: “Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?”

Well, as much as I hate to see this come to an end, I will have to leave you with my philosophical quote for today: 

I Don’t Suffer from Insanity; I Enjoy Every Minute of It.

Until next time!