Old Geezer/Old Fart!

In my quest to meet the recent challenges I set for myself with regards my writing, I decided to define what an old geezer – or in my case – an old fart is.

First off – Your Dictionary.com defines the term “old geezer” as follows:

Old geezer is a somewhat insulting term for an older person, especially one who is no longer cool, hip, or with the times. An example of an old geezer is a grumpy old man who sits on his porch all day yelling at neighborhood kids.

Now the definition of an “old fart” is: An elderly person who holds old-fashioned views.

Now that I have provided dictionary definitions, let’s look at this from a different point of view. Seeing that I have expressed myself on my blog as an old fart ranting and raving, let us take a moment and see what the word fart means:

Looking at the noun: A fart is a flatus expelled through the anus or could be defined as an irritating or foolish person.

As a verb: A fart means to expel a flatus through the anus; break wind.

As a synonym: Cut one, cut the cheese, fart, let her rip, rip one, pass gas, or toot!

Are you with me so far? Seeing that I define myself as an “old fart that rants and raves,” and being that I am not only past the age of 70, but closer to 80 than 70, let’s have some fun with what it means to be an “old fart.”  

And with that I will “let her rip!”

Below is a partial list that, in my humble opinion, represents why I fall on the list of being an “old fart”:

(1) I make more noise getting out of bed in the morning than I did twenty-five years ago during a heated night of passion.

(2) As an ‘old fart’ I prefer to eat dinner at a restaurant that provides quiet ambiance than today’s typical Sports Bar atmosphere.

(3) I no longer consider fiber to be or represent a thread or filament from which a textile is formed. Fiber represents a whole new meaning in my life.

(4) Years ago my knees cracked when I used to walk up and down stairs. Now they creak when I walk period.

(5) It used to be that I could get out of a chair and make a mad dash for whatever I was going for be it a snack or a bathroom break. Now, just standing up is a challenge and after having done that, next thing to do is have my brain send a message to my feet and legs that says  “OK old person – you are up – now you also got to move!”

(6) While I was never into going to bars much when I was younger, going to wineries today is now a favorite past-time.

(7) When younger – one went to hospitals for operations – nowadays they are called procedures.

I could go on and on (you know me – I like to rant and rave) but instead allow me to end this with a quote from Pablo Picasso:

“It takes a long time to become young!”

old man cartoon-character

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To those of you who follow my antics

Just a few words to thank those of you who take time from your busy schedules to follow some of my crazy writings – Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I must admit, I still do not have the mechanics of Word Press down pat and as a result I am sure I overlook telling those that read my material how much  I appreciate their doing so.

I try to write/post once a week and as soon as I see that someone has read and commented on what it is I wrote, I try my best to reply. But if I missed indicating that I seen you replied, I am sorry. One of these days  I will master Word Press.

Have a great day.

“I Can’t Believe I Ate the Whole Thing”

At times I wonder why it is I continue writing, be it for this blog, the one I contribute to at http://community.retirement-online.com/profile/IrwinLengel or my monthly column for our community newsletter. But no sooner does the question pop up in my mind, it disappears almost immediately once I turn on my computer and start thinking of wild and crazy things to write about.

Yup, to steal a line from Steve Martin – I am one wild and crazy guy. With that thought in mind I decided that I would try to write a post this week using a one-liner from a past tv show or in this instance an advertisement from one of those shows.  The hard part is going to be to try and work the one-liner into the blog so that it seems to be part of the post. But here goes:

For instance, for lunch today we had home-made Chimichangas.

Chimichanga

Now, for those of you who have had this Mexican Spanish dish, you know that in some restaurants they are moderate in size while in others they might be rather substantial. Well, with ours being home-made and a way to use up some of our fresh vegetables, suffice it to say ours are pretty substantial. But before I go much further allow me to give a brief summation of the history of the Chimichanga.

As a matter of information and thanks to Wikipedia – the words chimi and changa come from two Mexican Spanish terms: chamuscado, (past participle of the verb chamuscar) which means seared or singed, and change, related to chinga, (third-person present tense form of the vulgar verb chingar), a rude expression for the unexpected or a small insult.

Enough with the Mexican Spanish lesson, let’s get on with one of several stories about how this Mexican Spanish dish came about. According to Wikipedia and one of its sources, the founder of the Tucson, Arizona, restaurant El Charro, Monica Flin, accidentally dropped a burrito into the deep-fat fryer in 1922. She immediately began to utter a Spanish profanity beginning “chi…” (chingada), but quickly stopped herself and instead exclaimed chimichanga, a Spanish equivalent of “thingamajig.” We will leave it there by saying and the rest is history.

Upon devouring our huge chimichanga for lunch, when finishing the last bite, I looked at my wife and coyly said: “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.” For those of you too young to remember this saying it is from an old Alka Seltzer advertisement. When someone overate, and was full of gas and/or bloated, they would reach for the Alka Seltzer bottle and prior to popping two alka seltzer tablets into a glass of water would say: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!”  Hope you enjoyed my craziness.

alka seltzer

 

“Who Knew?”

These past few months on the road have given me a new perspective of things to write about. First off, I have become overly fond of two words: “Who knew?”

So whenever I come across material that at least seemed new to me or was a concept I never even gave thought to – I will use the phraseology: “Who knew?”

For instance, while perusing some readings lately, I came across the question:
“Did Lady Godiva really ride naked through Coventry?” Interesting question, isn’t it?
Most people immediately picture this beautiful woman completely naked riding through the countryside on a magnificent horse with her golden hair blowing in the wind.
But how many people take the time to find out if this was myth or true. A better question that comes to mind is: “Why did she do it?

This is a true happening. Her husband was a very strict tax collector, but she herself did not like the fact that the people had to pay such high taxes. She tried to appeal to his sense of good will, hoping he would give the good people a break and not tax them so much but to her dismay, nay – he would not relent. Finally, after listening to her beg him and beg him day after day, he said to her one day – if you would ride through the town unclothed, he would relent in his pursuit of the high taxes.

He was probably wishing he would not have made such a statement when she took him up on his offer but, fair was fair, and he did honor his promise. As a result, Lady Godiva became a heroine in history and is so to this day. “Who knew?”

lady-godiva

The story does not end there though because before she rode through the town naked as a jaybird on top of her steed, she asked the townspeople to look away so as to not see her naked. Being grateful for what she had done, all did except for one man, a man called Tom.

Are you ready for this: Hence the arrival of yet another phrase known to man today – that of the “Peeping Tom!” I repeat, “Who knew?”

peeping-tom
Until next time!