Well, here we are once again – how fast the week goes by. Speaking of how time flies, as you can see by the title, some days are good, and some days are – well – not so good.
So how do you handle that, well I could say something like:
“My wings are broken, my halo’s bent, and my horns are showing. Yes — it’s going to be one of those days!”
But, instead, before we go any further, let’s take a moment to see what all could make for a rotten day. Things like:
You wake up face down on the pavement
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
You see a “60 Minutes” news team heading up your driveway
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city
Your twin forgot your birthday (and yes truth be told – I am a twin)
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed, but you do remember that you forgot to put your Depends on before going to bed
Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you forgot where your Viagra is
You show up at your part-time job (retirees need added income too) and your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
You wake up and your dentures are locked together in the cup by your bed
You walk to the park and find that your zipper is open, and a corner of your shirt tail is flapping in the breeze from you know where
You call your answering service, and they tell you it’s none of your business
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife
Your income tax check bounces
You put both contact lenses in the same eye
Your pet rock snaps at you
Your wife says, “Good morning, Jim, and your name is Roger
Let it be known that while the author of some of these items is unknown, I adjusted some and added others and it is almost a sure thing that he or she (the author) is Troubled as am I.
Before I go though, allow me to share with you yet more material that might explain how troubled I am.
If those of you my age or close were to create names of Rock and Roll bands today, they would be names such as those that follow:
The Grateful we’re not Dead! (Hmmm, reminds me of Willie Nelson’s hit – Still Not Dead but we are talking names of groups not names of songs).
Earth, Wind, and Fiber – (would someone please pass the prunes)
Fleetwood Crack (picture todays male youth walking down the street with their pants at half-mast)
And finally, keeping in mind that this one can happen to both sexes – You know – even us guys have parts of our bodies that fall.
I know – I know, I am sure I caused you to picture some wild scenes after hearing these titles. But the question is: Are you smiling? Yes? Want some more?
Okay how about this:
There’s nothing whatever the matter with me. I’m just as healthy as I can be. I have arthritis in both my shoulders and when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin. But I’m fine for the shape I’m in.
I think my liver is out of whack, and a terrible pain is in my back. My hearing is poor, my sight is dim. Most everything about me seems to be out of trim. But I’m fine for the shape I’m in.
I have arch supports for both my feet otherwise I wouldn’t be able to go out on the street. I spend sleepless nights night after night, and in the morning I’m out of sight. My memory is failing, my head is in a spin. I’m peacefully living on aspirin. But I’m fine for the shape I’m in.
The moral is, as this tale we unfold, that for you and me who are growing old, it’s better to say, “I’m fine” with a grin. Than to let them know the shape I am in!”
One day at a time folks, one day at a time!
Have a nice day. Until next time!