I don’t know how long I’ve been blogging now but no matter what I read about blogging, it seems the theme is always – “Write about what you know.” That comment has always bothered me, mainly because to do that, with insurance being what I made my living at for twenty-five plus years, it would mean writing about insurance and well, other than taking a crack at writing a children’s book about insurance with funny characters and so forth, I just cannot wrap my head around that concept. Besides I would want to inject some humor and well, truthfully speaking – it would be hard to do.
I have had some experience writing short stories (even wrote an E-book for Kindle) and so the thought crossed my mind, why continue reading what others write today and then try to put my take on the subject into my own blog, why not come up with my own thing. So, seeing that I write a monthly column for our Community Newsletter, I decided to put such an article together for February’s newsletter. Haven’t had any feedback from those readers yet but then the printed version just came out two days ago!
So, as promised, seeing that I wanted to do something different with this blog, I thought I would share what I wrote as my newsletter article for those of you following my blog to see what you all think. It allows me to continue the blog, utilize a completely different concept, be creative with my writing, and hopefully write my post in such a way as to entertain those of you following my blog. My guess is that not only will I continue this path for the Newsletter articles, but prepare similar but not the same type articles for you here on Lakeland Musings.
With that introduction, here goes:
As I sit here racking my brain wondering what wonderful words of wisdom I want to share with you this month, my eyes wander from the keyboard to the wallpaper that adorns my office. After looking at it and losing myself in the titles of the bottles, I got to thinking – hmmm – how drunk would one have to be to drink the contents of any of these bottles if their titles were “for real?”
I mean – come on – who wouldn’t want a swig of Old Fashioned Rot Gut? Or and this is for all those red-blooded American Indians out there – How about some “Fire Water?” I do not even want to venture a guess as to what might be lurking in that bottle of “Curly Wolf.” And then there is good ole “Gunpowder Cocktail – Not for the Faint Hearted.” So as to not slight the women folk in the room we also have “Shotgun Nancy’s Whiskey. To me it is a drink Annie Oakley might have been fond of!
But then one might also say – hey – based on some of Irwin’s past ponderings – he probably finishes off one or two of them thar bottles just prior to sitting down to write. I’m not telling!
Fact is after partaking of some of that “Old Fashioned Rot Gut,” I plumb got soaked and before I could do anything else I meandered down to the hotel and got me a room so that I could lie down for a spell. After all, that is some pretty dad gum good whiskey and while it goes down real smooth, it sure has one heck of a kick later on.
When I woke, I knew two things – I had to mosy on down to Trader Jake’s to stock up on some vittles, but before I could do that, I needed to get some dinero from the bank. After all it costs a heap of greenbacks to keep a good stock of this fine whiskey. Bottles such as these aren’t easy to come by.
Now many of you are probably wondering where I might be doin’ my bankin’ these days. Well, let me be the first to say it isn’t in one of those new “high-falootin’” banks like Mid-Florida, Bank of America, or Wells Fargo. Not this old cowpoke – I decided to head out to the bank Wyatt Earp and his brothers probably used – none other than good old “Boot Hill Bank.”
Of course, once I got there, that *flannel-mouthed banker (an overly smooth or fancy talker) tried to talk me into taking out a loan (always hankering to get more of my money) and so I told him – “No sir ree!” I just wanted to withdraw enough to pick up my whiskey and get some more grub/vittles. Besides I did not have time to dicker with him ‘cuz I knew I was going to have to dicker with the gent there at Trader Jake’s General Store “ifin” I was to get all I needed to hold me over the winter. But you know me – always up for bartering or trading with “Trader Jack!”
Like it wasn’t enough I had to deal with the bank and general store, one such varmint I had hoped to steer clear of was my landlord. Not only did I need vittles and whiskey – it was time to pay my rent and he was a mean old rip (reprobate). I was hoping to put off paying the rent for another week although I know by doing that all I was doing was beating the devil around the stump (evading responsibility or a difficult task).
Besides, that thar fella is so mean – were I not to pay my rent on time, he’d be afixin to shoot me with that double-barreled shotgun of his and next time you’d see me – would be in: Boot Hill Cemetery.
And just between me and you – I ain’t afixin to go just yet! Well, that’s the whole kit and caboodle ~ as far as this month’s “Irwin Ponders” goes. One never knows what I will come up with when I set down at this ‘puter. Hope you enjoyed it! Who knows, I may have created a monster cuz now I have to dream up what I will rant and rave about – oops – pardon me – ponder about next. Til next time pardner!