Country or Southerner?

Welcome All

It is that time again. What shall I write about this week that is wild and wacky? While trying to come up with a comical post, I got to pondering over the difference between country and southern – you know when – discussing individuals.

Not wanting to just reach into the far abscess of my mind (a dangerous place for me to go) regarding the difference between these two terms, got me scrambling to the Internet and one paragraph stood out that read something like this:

“If your daddy did not work using his hands, or think it was important for you to know how to shoot a shotgun and drive a stick shift, then you likely lean more toward Southern than you do country. Just like if you have never taken a warm egg from a nest or bottle-fed an orphaned calf, then you probably aren’t too country.” There is a difference between being Southern and being country –

With that thought in mind, I thought I would make jest of and for the record – this post is merely being written with but one thought in mind and that is to hopefully bring a smile and a chuckle to the faces of those reading it. Why? Because we all need a good smile and a chuckle every now and then and this post is created to do just that. So, that being said: Here are a few things a True Southerner knows:

  • Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption.
  • Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a ‘mess’.
  • A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of cattywumpus.
  • A true Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is – as in “Going in town, be back directly.”
  • Even true Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
  • All true Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold tater salad (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot biscuits and nanner puddin.’)
  • True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “pert’ near” and “a right far piece.”
  • True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
  • No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
  • True Southerners know that “fixin” can be used as a noun, verb and adverb.

And therein lies your lesson about true Southerners today and seein’ that I just told y’all ‘bout it, I hope you larned something today.

Now, having educated y’all about the differences between country and southern individuals – where do ‘Rednecks’ fit in? If you were paying attention, you know that true southerners know the difference between rednecks, a good ol; boy, and po’ white trash. Oh, well, truth be told – I am not a true Southerner – nope, as a matter-of-fact, I am known as a “Damn Yankee”! What’s that, you say? Well, I learned this when we first came to Florida in 1969. It was told to me at that time that a northerner that comes to Florida, spends their money and goes back home is a “Yankee!” But a northerner that packs up ‘lock, stock, and barrel’ and comes to Florida to stay and never leave, well, that’s a “Damn Yankee!” But that will be a post for another time besides it is time for me to head to my good ole redneck home.

“Y’all take care now, Ya hear!” Until next time!

Something Different!

Hello all:

Here we are again, time for my weekly witticism, and as usual, I got to thinking about something wild and wacky to write. The material that popped into my head were famous sayings that made certain TV shows popular back in the day. I decided to insert them into this week’s post to make it more comical without just reciting the saying. By the way, all of this that you are reading is right off the top of my head and completely made up. My honey had nothing whatsoever to do with it other than to chuckle when I asked her to read it before I posted it. Here goes:

A few minutes ago, my honey asked if I wrote anything yet for my blog (you know – (Lakeland Musings by Irwin) and when I said no, she replied like Ricky Ricardo used to say on ‘I Love Lucy’.

“Irwin, you’ve got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do!”

And me, trying to sweet talk myself out of the problem my laziness got me into, thought of the show Kojak, replied:

“Who loves you, baby?”

Well, that didn’t work too well so I decided to inform her it was time for lunch. In doing so, I, not wanting to leave the table because I knew it meant going to the computer decided to eat and eat and eat. Before I knew it, I found myself in need of an Alka Seltzer all the while moaning:

“I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!”

Shortly thereafter, my sweetie tossed me a glance that seemed to say – get to your computer – but before she could utter another word, I quickly interjected these words of wisdom Ralph Kramden of the Honeymooners” used to say:

“To the Moon, Alice!”

except I didn’t use the name Alice because had I done that, she would have replied with the phrase associated with the show Maude which was:

“God’ll get your for that.”

Let’s face it, she was having a good day and getting a lot done. To appreciate her, I said: you are like the Energizer Bunny – you know –

“It keeps going and going and going …”

Not wanting to upset her more than I may already had and trying to lighten the mood, I blurted out the saying from Saturday Night Live::

“We are two wild and crazy guys!”

Apparently, she was going to join me in my trip down “famous one-line” lane because she came right back at me after hearing what I said about being two wild and crazy guys and quoted that familiar saying by Geraldine on “The Flip Wilson Show”:

“What you see is what you get.”

So how do I end this week’s post while staying with the theme I decided to use – you know something different. Oh, I have it, let me end this with my favorite saying from the show – A-Team –

“I love it when a plan comes together!”

Happy Fourth of July to all and stay safe! Until next time!

Are You Ready For This!

Here I am again – that was a fast week – and to top it all off, we are heading into the last week of June. Where did the last six months go?

Do I have a particular post in mind? Nooooo, just some more humor with the hopes it will bring a smile to everyone’s face and bring your spirits up if they are down.

Did you ever think about what a kid’s instructions on life might be ….

For instance, they might just tell you to “wear a hat when feeding seagulls.”

Don’t flush the toilet when your dads in the shower.

Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.

Never spit when on a roller coaster.

Never try to baptize a cat.

And before I move on to something else to get a smile out of you:

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

Okay, so I know I have a weird sense of humor but hey I’d rather be smiling and laughing than frowning and crying so I apologize ahead of time for this next joke. Perhaps it is because it is places like this that I keep worrying about – they want me, and I do my best to stay away from them. But that does not mean I do not write about them. Here goes:

The Mental Hospital

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged. Since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you have regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.” Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”

“And I Walk Among You!”

I don’t know if there are any rednecks out there reading my dribble but if you are, here are a few tips for y’all!

If you are planning on entertaining in your house, a centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

If by chance you decide to take in a movie at your local movie theater – refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!

One more about rednecks and that is if you are driving and your car runs out of gas, when sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Okay, new subject – Product Packaging.

What is it with some of the instructions we find on various products? For instance, why would the following instructions be on a string of Chinese Made Christmas Lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

Here’s one for you found on tiramisu dessert:

Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

Okay, I guess it is time to bring this to a close but before I do, you guessed it – One more for the road – and I just learned this since I turned eighty –

“I don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast!”

Enjoy your upcoming week and stay safe. Be back next week, same bat time, same bat channel!

Now where did I leave my wheels, it’s getting dark outside, and I am supposed to be home before dark.  Y’all take care now, ya hear!


What is it with oxymorons? Why do people even use them in a sentence? At times I think of some of them when I am pondering what nonsense to post here.

For instance, what is a “silent scream?” If it is silent, how does one know you are screaming? You could just be making weird faces with your mouth.

What is meant by a lead balloon? Is it a balloon filled with lead? If a balloon filled with lead how can it even be called a balloon?

What about “going nowhere”? Isn’t it a fact that if you are going… there must be someplace you are going to? Where is nowhere?

What about the oxymoron “pretty ugly”? Isn’t it true that one can be pretty, or they can be ugly but what is ‘pretty ugly?”  Just so-so ugly!

And then there is “growing smaller”? What are they doing – shrinking?

Here is one – “only choice”. If ‘only’ there is no choice to be had.

And what is it with people taking a “working vacation?” Either you are working, or you are on vacation.

When I think of my finances, I think that either I am earning money, or I am not earning money. What is with “negative income”?  Either you have money coming in or you do not.

By now you have probably figured out that Irwin has too much time on his hands whereas I see it that I am wondering/pondering about the English language and the meanings associated with certain words and/or phrases. After all, we must spend our time doing something.

For those of you that know your English language, you know that an oxymoron is a figure of speech, usually one or two words, which seemingly cancels each other out. One could also call this contradiction a paradox (logical puzzle that seems to contradict itself).

For some writers, use of an oxymoron is merely a literary device used to describe life’s inherent struggles.  As shown above, oxymorons can also lend a sense of humor to a story or they can also be ironic and/or sarcastic in nature. But enough about oxymorons.

Seeing that it is Father’s Day, I promised myself I would do two things today – One, write a post for this blog site and two, work on my book, I had best end this and move on to the book.

But before I go – I am not done with my silliness – believe it or not I have come up with some words that don’t exist, but really should and so I thought I would share a few with you.

PEPPIER – The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be waiting around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

CARPERPETUATION – The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, bending over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

PUPKUS – The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

Okay, okay, so I am not done yet! I just thought of a few


Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

And finally the one I enjoy the most:

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Hope all you fathers out there had a great Father’s Day.

Finally, for those of you out there in Never Never Land – one more ZEN Thought and this one is directed to those of you that believe in telekinesis –

Raise my Hand…

Until next time!

Your daily humor!

Hi folks:

Been a bit busy doing this and that and other normal run of the mill duties that come with maintaining our home, reading emails, watching our favorite TV shows, working on my book, yada, yada, yada!

Bottom line is time slipped away and I did not get to post something earlier in the week but here I am attempting to meet my original goal of weekly posts.

What follows is just some daily humor for you all to read and hopefully get a chuckle or two.

Women should not have children after 35. Really …35 children are enough!

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Why is it that “No one ever says ‘It’s only a game,’ when their team is winning?”

How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal?”

And finally

When I worked, I earned a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s was a decimal point involved.

Y’all have a good day now, ya hear!