Wild and Crazy Guy!

With today being Mother’s Day, I thought I would create a post involving mothers and some of the dumb things that happen over the years as they raise their children. Then I will move on to some more ridiculous stuff because I am just a wild and crazy guy.

My guess is that mothers know more about weird accidents because over their child-rearing years I am sure that most accidents that happen with children border on the ridiculous. If you stop and think about it, our children never seem to do things in a conventional manner. Think about it – kids stuffing pennies up their nose, catch their arms in weird places or sticking their heads through fences, or get their hand literally stuck in the cookie jar.

Think back to when you were raising your children and they got into some weird type of accident – first few words out of your mouth were probably: “How in the world could something like this happen?” But, as parents, we learn to accept the fact that strange things do in fact happen. As a matter of fact, Dolly has this favorite saying which is: “If it is weird, it will happen to us!”

It gets to the point that when something strange does happen, we just prepare ourselves accordingly. All we end up doing is defend ourselves as we ride to the emergency room when and if the accident does happen.

Can you see it or hear it now? “How did your daughter break her arm?”

“Falling out of her tree house!”

“Your daughter has her own tree house?”

“Doesn’t yours?”

Picture it now – while waiting for your child to be taken in to see the doctor on call at the Emergency Room of the hospital, the nurse attempts to jam the following statement “Child fell out of her tree house” onto the short blank provided on the insurance paperwork they had to complete.

Or here is one for you – “Patient cut his tongue while hiding a G.I. Joe soldier in his mouth that his brother needed to complete his army battlefield just to aggravate him. And this is just a brief sampling of the probable statement’s nurses attempt to write in the short spaces allowed on insurance claims forms.

Speaking of accidents – have you ever thought about ridiculous accidents that you have heard about over the years? Take the one where a guy was out shopping for groceries and was reaching into one of those freezers where you must bend over as far as you can to get the leaf spinach that is on sale – you know – the BOGO – buy one and get one free. Why do they make those freezers so deep anyways?  Anyways as this guy was bending over – he was short you know – like me – he bent too far over and lost his balance and fell headfirst into the freezer.

Another guy happened to be walking by and being a big guy, grabbed the other guy – you know the guy hanging onto two boxes of frozen spinach with ankles shooting straight up in the air, dragged him out and decided they had best go to the hospital to have him looked at, treated if necessary, and hopefully released.

Chances are that falling into the freezer was the easy part. My educated guess is that the real trauma came later when the guy had to answer all the questions posed by the people who create the insurance forms he had to complete. Can you see it now or should I say can you picture the type of questions that might have come up?

Was this an accident?  While the guy really wanted to answer – no – I always go freezer diving for several boxes of spinach! Being the gentleman he is, he merely replies: Yes

Wanting to cover all the bases, the next question asks: “Was there any other way to get the spinach out of the case?”

Thinking about this for a moment, the guy recalls a tall gentleman on the opposite side of the freezer he could have asked to bend over and reach the spinach, but you know us ‘macho’ guys, didn’t want to embarrass himself by asking for help. So, he merely responds by saying: “Probably”

Then the adjuster asks the question: “Have you gotten the spinach out of this case like this before?”

Knowing that he has – he replies: “Many times, but most of those times, the freezer wasn’t almost empty.”

Okay, moving on and thinking about the numerous road trips we have taken over the years and my need to use the bathrooms whether on a train or a bus, I can just see the face of the individual that would have had to fill out the claims form had I had an accident while in the bathroom on the bus.  

The report would read: “individual had his buttocks lodged in an emergency exit window when, while in the rest room of a bus – the bus swerved, forcing him into the window.”

I can picture the staff asking me at the hospital, “Was this your assigned seat?”

What can I say – I told you I am a wild and crazy guy!

Until next time! Y’all come back now, ya hear!