Here I am again – that was a fast week – and to top it all off, we are heading into the last week of June. Where did the last six months go?
Do I have a particular post in mind? Nooooo, just some more humor with the hopes it will bring a smile to everyone’s face and bring your spirits up if they are down.
Did you ever think about what a kid’s instructions on life might be ….
For instance, they might just tell you to “wear a hat when feeding seagulls.”
Don’t flush the toilet when your dads in the shower.
Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.
Never spit when on a roller coaster.
Never try to baptize a cat.
And before I move on to something else to get a smile out of you:
Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.
Okay, so I know I have a weird sense of humor but hey I’d rather be smiling and laughing than frowning and crying so I apologize ahead of time for this next joke. Perhaps it is because it is places like this that I keep worrying about – they want me, and I do my best to stay away from them. But that does not mean I do not write about them. Here goes:
The Mental Hospital
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged. Since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you have regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.” Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”
“And I Walk Among You!”
I don’t know if there are any rednecks out there reading my dribble but if you are, here are a few tips for y’all!
If you are planning on entertaining in your house, a centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
If by chance you decide to take in a movie at your local movie theater – refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU!
One more about rednecks and that is if you are driving and your car runs out of gas, when sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Okay, new subject – Product Packaging.
What is it with some of the instructions we find on various products? For instance, why would the following instructions be on a string of Chinese Made Christmas Lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
Here’s one for you found on tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
Okay, I guess it is time to bring this to a close but before I do, you guessed it – One more for the road – and I just learned this since I turned eighty –
“I don’t do drugs anymore ‘cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast!”
Enjoy your upcoming week and stay safe. Be back next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
Now where did I leave my wheels, it’s getting dark outside, and I am supposed to be home before dark. Y’all take care now, ya hear!