Welcome all of you “Lakeland Musings by Irwin” readers that follow my weirdness and craziness. Time slipped up on me this week, and today’s post, while short, and though not written by me, hopefully will bring a smile to your face, a chuckle or two, and in my small way, brighten your day.
I came across the following whilst trying to weed out boxes of paperwork we have been lugging around for years.
Tree of Life
Many many years ago
When I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
Who was as pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.
My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.
Okay, y’all know me so well. Cannot go with such a short post and seeing that I am in a wild and crazy mood, I think I will add a few things that hopefully will make us laugh. With that, and being a twin myself, allow me to share a joke with you all about twins.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins – if you seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
I know, I know, don’t give up my day job.
Okay, let’s change the pace and take a trip to a Mental Hospital.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, “Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged. Since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you have regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he is dead. Mary replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”
Need some more – Here are a few more things for you to consider in order to keep a healthy level of insanity:
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
As often as possible, skip instead of walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Call the psychic hot line and don’t say anything.
Well folks, that’s about it for this week’s post. Hopefully over the next seven days, my mind will come up with a wild and wacky story I can share with y’all. Anything to get us to smile and laugh a little. I can only hope that no one takes offense to any of the afore-mentioned silliness as I merely do it to bring a smile to not only my face but those of you reading this nonsense. Believe it or not, coming up with these wild and crazy posts is but one of the things that makes me anxious to get out of bed in the morning. In addition to the “To-Do” list I create each day to keep me busy, creating posts for Lakeland Musings is one of the highlights of my days (when I do sit down and attempt to be creative). So, with the hope that they won’t come and take me away, away, away, y’all take care now, ya’ hear, and stay safe.
Until next time!